Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

The friendships I have built and connections with people I have met over the years are so important to me because I have seen the value they have added to my life. A huge part of who I am today is owed to these people, and for this, I am forever thankful to them.

The aspect of friendship that has been on my heart in recent times is how friendships evolve over time and how to manage the transition properly.

For me it has looked like this: Fighting to keep connections alive, accepting the truth that friendships will look different in various life seasons and offering grace where needed but at the same time not accepting a lazy approach to friendships where no effort is put in and it just seems like excuses, excuses, excuses and so, choosing to communicate instead.

Sigh, can anyone else relate to all this? I know I’m not alone, let me know in the comments:)

A Little Story…

I had a pretty good high school experience when it comes to friendships, contrary to popular experiences online. Sometimes, I wonder if it was all because I can be very understanding/borderline “put my feelings aside” to make others happy. Well, I guess one will never know. But I rarely had the petty fights or friendship break ups which by the way hurt more than romantic break ups sometimes lol.

I remember on my high school graduation day feeling really sad, not knowing how I would navigate the world without these people. I literally cried and said those words to one of my friends and we cried together.

Today, I and this particular friend barely speak, of course we will always love and support one another but that was my introduction into the understanding that friendships MUST evolve and a lot of emotional and mental maturity is required to avoid leaving a trail of broken hearts in its wake….

Creating A Balance

I believe the most important thing is the acceptance of the fact that your friendships will take on different outlooks at different times. A refusal to acknowledge and accept this will only stall your maturity process.

l have noticed that lives, responsibilities, associations are changing especially when we move e.g from university to now being in the real world so to say. The standard of measurement must be different and this requires a truckload of humility, patience and understanding and I thank God for the Holy Spirit who makes this doable.

The subsequent thing I’d like to touch on is giving grace and being quick to forgive. In my life, my closest friends all live far away from me, so as is expected, there’s a lot of texts, phone call appointments etc. Sometimes, things come up and cancellations occur or even misunderstandings because we can’t always decipher the tone of text messages or the intention of the sender. I believe that learning to extend grace where needed is so crucial to soaring in this awkward phase of friendships.

I still struggle with this next point because I have a tendency to invalidate my feelings to make people happy which isn’t good. We must learn how to communicate our expectations in a healthy manner. This doesn’t mean they will always be met exactly but at least, we have put it out there and it doesn’t stay in our hearts and fester bitterness against a friend.

I can say that these tips can also help us know those we can actually go farther with because when we communicate, there must be open room for growth and vulnerability. Regardless of the life seasons, effort will always be appreciated in voicing out to those you love as much as you can why you can’t be there for them at a particular time. I think it’s a noble thing to do.

Conclusion…

As you can imagine, I’m still working on all these tips as well and trusting God for His grace and discernment every day in how best to serve my friends in the various seasons of our lives. I encourage us all to approach God with an open heart and pray this same prayer.

I’m so grateful that God has surrounded me with people who have stuck by me even in times when I struggled with intentionality, they communicated it to me and gave me the benefit of doubt. Please, one is bound to make mistakes sometimes and maybe hurt a friend, I encourage you to give yourself grace and seek to do better.

I think that the more we focus on growing together even though in different directions in life but choosing to see the hearts of people, the easier it will be to navigate this sometimes complex issue of friendships.

Please drop a comment on how you are navigating friendships in your current phase of life. I’ll love to read your contributions and learn as well xx