Audience of One!

Just like every regular girl or boy growing up and trying to find his or her place in this world, I’ve had my fair share of insecurities, some that I still deal with even to this day.

I remember back in High school, my understanding was that to be viewed as a beautiful girl, I needed to be seen as ‘pretty‘ by everyone that came across me. The majority of people must feel this way about me for me to see it as truth. I had never really seen myself as ‘pretty’ based on societal standards, so you can imagine how far back this runs.

Confession Time…..

Let me share this short funny yet sad story lol, I have always considered my mum to be stunning, growing up, I couldn’t understand why God didn’t give me all her features, I mean she is my mum “foggosake” lol. She has perfect soft, fair skin, beautiful finger and toe nails etc, I’m not even joking and well there is me. So, she was and still is an epitome of beauty in my eyes.

Then along came this boy professing love to me. Ladies and gentlemen, you won’t believe what made me fall more and more in love with this boy, he always told me I looked like my mother. So, it didn’t matter if he was a good fit for me or if he treated me right or if he loved Jesus, insecurities will blind you and make you settle for less because you have not learnt to view yourself through the lens of God. If you did, you would undoubtedly see beauty beyond description because you are created in His image.

Christ Is The Standard…..

A major mistake I made was living for the praise of others. I carried this same mentality and wore it as a cloak around me. If I’m not applauded, I didn’t do it well, If there’s no pat on the shoulder, I failed at it, If i’m not told i’m pretty, then i’m not. I’m sure one can already see how damaging this thought process is. Waiting for the world to tell me something about myself first before i believed it.

You see friends, only one person’s words should be stamped on your heart as truth and that person is God, ABBA your father. How can a person that didn’t create you say what you should do, how you should behave, what you should look like and so on?

The Holy Spirit arrested me one day lol, yes literally, I was in the middle of overthinking and analyzing, counting all that i am and do that maybe no-one had seemed to notice and He said to me ever so gently…Uwakmfon you live for an audience of One.

The perspective change I had that day was beyond what I could comprehend, I felt such a shift in my heart and knew I would never be the same again. Only one person needs to validate me, only one person needs to find me beautiful, only one person’s WELL DONE should matter and every day, with or without the applause of men, This is my song to my Father, “Are you satisfied with my sacrifice? Are you satisfied with me? If there is any other thing that you want from me, I will give to you until you are satisfied.”