Learning To Receive Love.

Hi Friends!!

This is my first blog post and honestly, i feel so many emotions right now. I feel so privileged to write something that by God’s grace would be a blessing to someone out there. So, let’s dive into this topic…shall we?

Struggling With The Concept of Unconditional Love

Growing up, I always thought I had to do everything perfectly to be loved. I was typically the perfect child, great grades in school and did as I was asked. As you can imagine, a child like this would probably be praised a lot but here was the downside. The few times I stepped out of line came with such reactions that scared the living daylight out of me, leaving me feeling unloved. Slowly and unknowingly this ideology began to build in my head and in my heart. Only Perfection was worthy of Love…

Dear Friends, when you say yes to God, please get ready for a lifetime of adventure because when the Bible talks about being renewed and transformed in Romans 12:2, God literally wants to take you on such a journey where He tears down all your walls, exposes those not so pretty sides all with one intention: His Love Revealed.

This is one aspect God is still really schooling me on. His words to me are that he loved me and loves me now regardless of me, my shortcomings, when I’m doing great or not, He still loves me and this confused me. How could you love such imperfections? For me, unconditional love was only something that would end up backfiring because it wasn’t real. It’s one of those things you think is too good to be true and you’re literally waiting for it all to crumble.

Unhealthy Cycles

The constant works to prove something to God began. I wanted to feel deserving of His love and the more my plans or as the Bible puts it, works kept failing me, the more anxiety would wash over me with every slip up. I was afraid that this would be it, this would be the time He would just say I’m done with this girl and to be honest that was the reaction I would have understood but you see, Jesus is different.

He kept saying He loved me but I wasn’t willing to accept it. I wanted to feel like I earned it so that when He says I love you, I would feel good about it. I’m sure you know how this ends. Yes, I kept coming up short over and over again. Ephesians2:8-9

Towards the end of 2019, I was at a very low point in my life. I tried to enter my toxic cycle of routine again thinking if I just do all this right, I would feel His love again. I still had not learned my lesson. You see, this was my comfort zone and to believe otherwise, that even when there is nothing lovable about me that His disposition towards me is still that of mercy and grace and love, was a truth my heart wasn’t ready for.

Healing Rain

One morning, as I cried to God about how tired I was of everything, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. He said to me repeatedly “Uwakmfon, I AM NOT MAN!” Friends I tell you this brought me to tears because that was what I needed to hear. He was saying men may betray you, turn their backs on you but you can be rest assured about me Ephesians3:17-19.

I was a bit scared of letting down that wall for fear of what I would become without it, would I take His love for granted? But He answered and said He would keep and sustain me in Him and I rest in that(Jude1:24-25, Philippians2:13)  and when that fear tries to come crawling back, I can trust that He is faithful to His Word…“I AM NOT MAN”.

To someone out there still struggling to receive and rest fully in God’s love, I want you to know that Jesus loves you so deeply and desires that you be made whole. I pray this blesses you and I will see you on the pages of my next post!

Uwakmfon Udeh<3